


Keith Kogane and Lance Make Jailhouse Cup Noodles | From the Test Kitchen | Bon Appétit

by eggyeggplant



Series: Bon Appétit [2]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Flirting, Fluff, Food, M/M, Romance, YouTube
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-17
Updated: 2020-04-17
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:08:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23693638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eggyeggplant/pseuds/eggyeggplant
Summary: On last week's episode of Back-to-Back Chef, Keith and Lance made simple carbonara. Today, Keith teaches Lance a recipe from his show Blade of Marmora, out on Netflix. They keep getting distracted by flirting with each other.
Relationships: Keith/Lance (Voltron)
Series: Bon Appétit [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1706269
Comments: 10
Kudos: 234





	Keith Kogane and Lance Make Jailhouse Cup Noodles | From the Test Kitchen | Bon Appétit

A new video is uploaded to the Bon Appetit channel titled ‘Keith Kogane and Lance Make Jailhouse Cup Noodles | From the Test Kitchen | Bon Appétit,’ already at 1,434,232 views 18 hours after it was posted. The video loads with a small preview of Lance and Keith squabbling in front of the sink with a snazzy tune in the background. The video cuts to Lance and Keith standing in front of the camera, some ingredient items in front of them. “Hi guys, it’s Lance!” Cue some loud groaning in the background, both Lance and Keith turn around to find Hunk panicked about chocolate temperature. In the back, Hunk can be seen trying to wrap up an episode of Gourmet Makes, sadly poking at some tempered chocolate and saying, “We’re just going to have to scrap this method and start all over again tomorrow.” They both get distracted and walk over to Hunk to console the poor guy and nibble on the failed bits of chocolate while Hunk crosses off ideas on his notepad.

Scene cuts back to Lance and Keith, back at their station, bits of chocolate decorating the edges of their mouths and the front of Keith’s apron. “Hey guys, it’s Lance! I’m here today in the Bon Appetit test kitchen with a very special guest, Keith Kogane. If you don’t already know him as Yorak from Blade of Marmora, season 2 now out on Netflix, you may remember him from last week’s episode where we made BA’s recipe for simple carbonara. If you haven’t checked it out yet, we’re going to leave a link to the video down below in the description box. Today we are going to be making a special dish called jailhouse cup noodles, which became  _ super _ trendy after it was aired on season 1, episode 3 of Blade of Marmora. Roll the clip!” Lance dramatically twirls 360 degrees and points finger guns at the camera.

-

Scene cuts to Keith as Yorak, cursing out someone named Senak under his breath as he takes a couple banana peppers from the cafeteria and stuffs it inside the pockets of his neon orange jumpsuit. He puts a red delicious apple on his dining tray and moves along in the line, declining to get the main course.

“Yorak, you have to stop getting involved with the wrong people.” A robotic hand gets brushed off of Yorak’s shoulder, it belongs to actor Takashi Shirogane starring as Shiro, The Champion. Shiro takes an orange and puts it on his tray, thanking the cafeteria man for the unidentifiable green sludge that gets slopped onto his tray next.

“I’m going to find whoever did this to you, whatever it takes. Then I’m going to take them down, and make sure they rot in hell,” Yorak seeths.

“Trust me, that’s not how you can survive here,” Shiro says firmly, trying and failing to get Yorak to stop.

“I’ve done nothing but just survive my  _ entire life _ , you don’t know my entire life like you think you do, so just stop already. I know what I’m doing, and I’m not going to throw away my only shot at getting revenge for you,” Yorak says, sounding way less calm than he’s trying to be. Yorak speeds out of the line, Shiro sighing as Yorak throws the apple away in the trash and gruffly sets the used dining tray in the designated area.

Yorak speed-walks through dimly lit halls, weaving in and out of foot traffic with relative ease, slipping into the shower room and turning on hot water for the sink. He takes out a cup of ramen noodles from inside his jumpsuit and runs it under the hot water to fill the cup.

“Merry Christmas, ya fucking filthy animal,” Yorak mutters, viciously gnawing the banana peppers and spitting it back into the cup, swirling the mixture around with a finger. He pauses and leans in to take a small sniff, instantly scrunching his face and gagging.

“This shit better be worth all the goddamn effort,” Yorak says, sneaking through the hallways before ending up in front of a large jail cell with three men ominously situated inside. A raspy voice says in a bad Boston accent, “Hey boss, your Postmates delivery is here.” They all break out into obnoxious laughter. Out of the shadows, comes a grotesquely hulking man with an almost carnivorous grin.

“Got the goods?” Yorak shoves the bag to Sendak’s chest. Senak takes the bag and takes a long inhale before squeezing the whole thing down his mouth, pasty looking bits dribbling down the prison uniform.

“Not bad, runt. Tastes almost better than normal, you might have to start making all my meals from now on,” Sendak says appraisingly, smacking his lips tauntingly.

“I did what you wanted. Now tell me what I want to know,” Yorak snarls,  _ ”Where is Zarkon?” _

-

“Intense dude,  _ mad _ respect,” Lance says, giving Keith a fistbump. Keith smiles through the praise, giving himself a pat on the back. The chocolate has been wiped off their faces and Keith’s apron only has a slightly faint stain of chocolate. “Although, I gotta say man, what did that poor apple ever do to you?”

“It’s just a scene, and we used probably a dozen apples. We had to do that take over and over again because Slav would say the scene would be better if I raised my arm ten more degrees or take three additional steps to reach the trash can and we would have to keep doing it until Slav finally said it was good enough. He’s great but everyone knows what a pain in the butt our director is.”

“That’s rough dude, but he’s good enough to get you guys nominated for an Emmy award, right?” Lance claps, as Pidge inserts a confetti graphic. Keith plays along and thanks them for the applause.

“Yeah, it’s worth getting all the small details right. It’s been super exciting, we got a lot more budget to do promotions, do more crazy scenes, and we got picked up for another season. Nothing is for sure yet, but hopefully Yorak will finally be able to meet his mom for the first time and make hell for a few new bad guys. It’s been just unbelievable really, the luck I’ve had with this show.”

“So what I’m hearing, is that it’s totally within the budget to come back and visit me more times?” Lance bats his eyelashes, clasping his hands to his heart jokingly, as he leans half his weight against Keith.

“Yeah, I’d love to come back,” Keith says smiling, throwing an arm over Lance’s waist and giving a friendly squeeze, his other arm moving to give the camera a thumbs up, ever the dense doorknob. For a few seconds, Lance turns into a .png, internally asking God why he had to make him so gayyyyyy.

-

“So, what we’ve got in front of us is everything we need to make jailhouse cup noodles. What is the inspiration behind this?”

“Ramen is basically the real good stuff, but it’s hard to sneak in nice contraband, so Yorak manages to get his hands on some to get some special information. Otherwise, you’re stuck eating oatmeal or whatever disgusting thing they manage to whip up. Slav thought, why don’t we use that, and I basically told him how to make it even better. To clear up the gossip and set things straight, I’ve never gone to jail myself, I just grew up eating really weird combinations as a kid since I was home alone most of the time.”

Keith busies his hands, opening their cups of ramen. The video zooms in to show that they’re the Nissin brand, chicken flavored. “So, Sendak did not end up eating the one I spit in, I think that might be a health hazard. What actually happened is that they blitzed up a bunch of these banana peppers in a blender and divided them into ten different cups of noodles to make sure they could get the right take. When Sendak was doing the scene, I swear he was going to throw up eating so many of these, but he was a real trooper about it.”

The jar of banana peppers decides they want to fight with Keith, who stops talking so he can focus on getting it open. His muscles are bulging through his tight shirt, but the jar still won’t open. Lance nudges Keith with his hips and takes the jar, popping it open in two seconds flat. Pidge puts a little note bubble on the side, ‘Lance has lots of experience with opening jars.’ A small flashback scene of Lance surrounded by fifteen different brands of jarred maraschino cherries to rate for cocktails. “Don’t be afraid to call for an expert if you need some help,” Lance says, whipping his imaginary long hair to the side and smiling winningly.

“I could have done it,” Keith says, rolling his eyes fondly when Lance continues to pose in front of the camera and pointedly ignoring that comment.

“In TV circumstances, I would be chewing these with my teeth and spitting it out, but we’re just going to chop these up and put them in the cup because that’s probably the easiest and cleanest way to do this.”

Lance starts mincing banana peppers on a cutting board while Keith pops a banana pepper into his mouth for fun. “These are mostly just for a gross color effect, and because it’s a condiment that you might actually have a cafeteria. They add a sour tang I guess? It’s honestly not that bad.”

“They don’t let you have knives in jail. You should be using a spork if we want to make it a little more realistic.”

“I am not going to use-” Scene cuts to knife taken away, Lance stabbing banana peppers with a spork and struggling to get even pieces smaller than large chunks.

“I might as well just use my hands,” Lance complains. Keith shares a contemplative look with Pidge, who is still behind the camera. Lance looks up from cutting the peppers and stares at the both of them, face deadpanning as he puts down his spork.

Scene cuts to Lance grumbling, “I shouldn’t have said anything,” as he tries ripping apart the banana peppers in his hands.

“Bruising it with your hands will probably help with releasing the allicins or whatever, right?”

“Oh my god, have you been watching It’s Alive with Coran? That’s a terminology related to garlic, by the way, and he would be  _ offended _ .” Lance scoops up his massacred little pile of banana pepper mush and divvys them into the cups of ramen, setting aside the cutting board.

Keith shrugs, “Who doesn’t watch it? It’s recommended no matter what you end up watching on YouTube, which is pretty crazy. He teaches pretty useful things, like how to fish in a river using just a whisk.” Pidge shows a small clip of Coran victoriously holding up a whisk with a small fish in the middle of a riverboat. Coran walks into the background of the video wearing a flamboyant hawaiian patterned shirt and a bucket hat, pausing and making his way over to the duo.

“How’s it going, kiddos? Ah, the sweet smell of banana peppers! Reminds me of the time I visited the banana pepper farm in Hudson Valley. Truly an experience.” Pidge edits a small link box that shows up for a few seconds in the corner, showing a small thumbnail of the video Coran is reminiscing about.

“Is this where you got these banana peppers from?” Keith examines the jar, tilting it so Coran can fork a banana pepper for himself.

“Nope, although these are a pretty decent brand if I must say so myself. Goes well with anything. Would love to bread and deep fry these suckers, serve with a light gooseberry sauce on a bed of charred cabbage.” Coran munches, smacking his lips heartily. Lance makes an offended expression, switching to a smiling face when Coran looks at him.

“Everything looks great! Carry on,” Coran says cheerily, going off-camera to do whatever he was going to do before he got sidetracked. Lance shows Keith a small clip of the video Coran was talking about on his phone, decorated in fading stickers and keychains.

“Man knows his way around a machete. Maybe he should be joining us on Blade of Marmora.”

“Everyone loves Coran, but I’m offended you wanted to ask Coran to do a guest appearance on Blade of Marmora before asking  _ me _ , the host of this show you’re on? Hello? Who wouldn’t want summa this?” Lance draws a circle around his face, staring at the camera with a ‘duh’ expression.

“Are you done? Because we need to finish cooking, it’s a delicate process,” Keith says, obviously joking, but seriously running away with Lance’s sarcasm loving heart.

“So now we just add some hot water in it, right?”

“We could go to the restroom to get the water, but I have a feeling you would freak out. So we’re going to use some hot running tap water. Real jailhouse cup noodles would be close enough to body temperature at best.”

“We’re going to heat it up in a pot right? It should be illegal to run cup noodles under a sink.” Keith raises an eyebrow, holding a cup of noodles dangerously close to the running sink water.

“Don’t you dare,” Lance says, and they squabble in front of the sink for a bit. Keith holds the cup noodles a distance away from Lance, who makes grabby hand motions. Keith gets a little bit of water on his arm and he wipes it on Lance’s apron.

Keith turns off the water, turning slightly to face Lance. “Okay, I’ll listen to you. If you give me a kiss,” Keith says, leaning in close. Lance screeches, jerking back with his face turning rapidly red.

“You can’t just say that,” Lance squeaks.

Keith shrugs, “It’s called acting. Don’t be afraid to call for an expert if you need some help,” Keith says, turning to the camera to whip his hair like Lance did earlier, except he actually has hair long enough to whip. Pidge’s arm shows briefly in the scene as Keith gives them a high-five. Lance uses this time to steal the cup noodles and start to boil a small pot of water.

Allura walks into frame wearing a matching tracksuit with her small toy poodle. Both men get distracted with making cooing noises and funny faces for the puppy. “What are you guys making?”

“We’re making jailhouse cup noodles,” Lance replies, cupping the puppy’s paws in his hands.

“Man, I remember when my dog Kosmo was this size,” Keith says, stroking the puppy’s head.

“Kosmo was never this small, I would know,” Lance says absentmindedly. The puppy sags in Allura’s arms, tail wagging happily with all the attention. Keith receives tiny puppy licks and Lance gets distracted by Keith’s face.

Pidge throws a small piece of banana pepper stem in Lance’s direction to get his attention. “How would you know the size of Keith’s dog?”

Lance throws it back at Pidge, ears turning a bright red. “Shut up, I’m not a stalker, it’s the only picture on Keith’s instagram page.” Allura shoots Lance a knowing look before bidding both of them goodbye, headed towards the back office area.

Keith and Lance wash their hands with soap and water before getting back to their dish, water bubbling on the stove. Lance pours the water evenly into the cups, Pidge showing an aerial shot of the noodles soaking in the liquid.

“Honestly, it doesn’t look or smell that bad,” Lance says, moving a fork through the noodles.

“Well yeah, because I didn’t spit in it and the water is actually hot. Also, this was made in a sanitary kitchen and not a shower room with dirty, naked men.” Keith points out, picking up a forkful of noodles and shoving it in his mouth.

“Wouldn’t that be the dream,” Lance sighs. Keith chokes on his noodles, turning around so he doesn’t spit everything all over the table and expensive cameras.

“Are you okay?” Lance gives Keith a couple thumps to the back, looking concerned. Keith gives Lance a weak thumbs up, still coughing.

-

“We had a super fun time here today at the BA test kitchen, if you haven’t tried out this recipe yet, it’s super simple. Just add some diced, sliced, minced, whatever prep preference banana peppers to your instant noodles. If you guys want to jazz things up, consider adding sriracha sauce or cracking an egg inside. Just promise me if you guys end up making this recipe, you guys will be sanitary about it,” Lance says.

“Don’t spit in other people’s food,” Keith chimes in.

“ _ Don’t do it. _ I will hunt you down.” Lance jokingly points a paring knife at the camera.

“Unless that’s what they’re into,” Keith says, eating more noodles. Lance slaps Keith’s arm with his other hand, rolling his eyes. Keith’s arm jostles as he’s holding the cup noodles, smiling at his joke.

“Pidge, CUT!”

Video comments:

‘Omg now I want to rewatch season 1 of BoM for fun, keith was such a baby back then’

‘how is it that this video is the same length as the one where they made actual food?? make it make sense’

‘13:09 is it just me or does lance look disappointed about not getting a kiss from keith’

‘like if you came here after the gourmet makes video where hunk makes gourmet mnms’

‘allura has the cutest dog she is such a goal tbh’

‘is no one talking about how lance’s dream is a shower room of dirty, naked men?’

‘people were freaking out because keith just like posted a picture on his instagram for the first time in like five thousand years and it’s like just a picture of lance trying to hug kosmo in his arms and like it’s soooo cute!! dude still doesn’t know how to add captions though’

‘can keith come to the BA test kitchen more often’

‘lance holding a small knife should be a meme’

‘CORAN THE GORGEOUS MAN CORAN THE GORGEOUS MAN CORAN THE GORGEOUS MAN CORAN THE GORGEOUS MAN CORAN THE GORGEOUS MAN CORAN THE GORGEOUS MAN CORAN THE GORGEOUS MAN CORAN THE GORGEOUS MAN CORAN THE GORGEOUS MAN CORAN THE GORGEOUS MAN CORAN THE GORGEOUS MAN CORAN THE GORGEOUS MAN CORAN THE GORGEOUS MAN CORAN THE GORGEOUS MAN CORAN THE GORGEOUS MAN CORAN THE GORGEOUS MAN CORAN THE GORGEOUS MAN CORAN THE GORGEOUS MAN CORAN THE GORGEOUS MAN’

**Author's Note:**

> Psa this is not reflective of actual jail or jail in an acting setting because I just made stuff up to fit the narrative. Also I realize that bon appetit would probably never insert a super long clip into their videos but I wanted to add that little scene in to make it make more sense and show off keith’s acting chops. This two part series is loosely based on carla’s relationship with miz cracker except maybe a little more romantic-ish. If you follow bon appetit, hunk is doing claire’s show and coran is doing brad’s show.


End file.
